In New York City, there exists an area known as “The Financial District.” More commonly known as the “FiDi,” this area is home to the city’s brightest, most attractive, and best paid individuals. The FiDi is the cultural epicenter of New York City.

And within this epicenter, there is an epi-epicenter: 85 Broad, Goldman Sachs’ main offices. This is where our story takes place.

Most days for lunch, I try to sneak away for about 15 minutes. Some people like to cut it down to about 4 mins and come back to check their fantasy teams during the other 11. Not me. Since I started working, I’ve always liked to use my small respite to take a walk around the office and down the majestic Stone Street. To me, the fresh air in my hair and that feeling of cobblestone under my feet is consummate Wall Street.

Today during my stroll, I walk by the good ole’ Ulysses Tavern. The façade invokes memories of my first week at Goldman, and I remember when we all used to go in there after work and get housed on Stella. I made out with a hot HCM (Human Capital Management, or HR) girl there once; she was as dumb as a brick, and I loved every second of it.

Back then, the world was all daffodils and pink shirts and saving the world one IPO at a time. A little technology, some media, and a bit of telecom in there for good measure, and it was happy days for all. Everything was bright, everyone was nice, and my outlook was achingly positive.

But today, two years later, I can feel that something inside of me has changed, or perhaps died. I am doing the same short tour I’ve done God knows how many times, but now, I can’t even walk down this fucking street without wanting to rip the faces off all these douchebags that I see. Out of all these Ivy League graduates and rockstar MBAs, not a single one has a clue how to dress, no one knows how to talk, and fuck, none of these people even knows how to walk right.

Am I the only real Banker left around here? Seriously, are these people aware how clueless they are? Do they not know how much of an embarrassment they are to the world’s premier Investment Bank? Jesus.

So, this is the question I pose to the people I see on my walk today:

“What the fuck are you thinking?”

Revolting. Frankly, seeing all these worthless people everywhere is starting to give me migraines. It’s physically painful for me to even walk around here for too long anymore.

So what am I to do about this two year, daily tradition that represented all my hopes and dreams for Banking?

Fuck it, I’ll just cut that shit down to 4 minutes and start playing fantasy…