Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Fwd: A Suitable Girl
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Mitra,
My name is Gopal Mehta, and I’m a 2nd year banking analyst at the most prestigious firm on Wall Street. This morning, I received an email from my mother that read; “Beta, how do you like this lovely Indian girl?” and she pasted me a link to the New York Magazine article featuring your daughter, the private equity associate at Carlyle, Natasha.
http://nymag.com/fashion/lookbook/32096/
As soon as I opened the link and saw your daughter there looking all glam and urban and hip, I knew we were destined for one another. I read her interview, and visions of us skipping about on icy mountaintops in tank tops and me riding in on a horse to wed Natasha have literally taken over my mind. The wedding I’m imagining will be make the Mittals’ look like a glorified civil union (I was Princeton, too. Imagine how much orange we could use!).
I’ve found myself spelling out NATASHA in my Excel worksheets with red formatted cells all day long (F4 facilitates doing this, fyi). The sweet sounds of bhangra are playing in my head even as I write this email.
Look at your daughter. Just look at her. She’s amazing.
Well, I mean, I can’t exactly see her from behind that huge ass duffel bag and those snowboarding goggles, but from what I can distinguish of her face, it looks like the $15k you invested in electrolysis has served its purpose (and with limited scarring — nice work!). On a side note, are you sure that bag’s Vuitton? I’m no expert, but it kinda looks like a sack of rice hung itself with a thick noose. Whatever, at this point my only other option here is Kavita, the IT chick that brings her lunch to work in a brown paper bag (how tragic is that, btw?).
Anyhow, back to the point. I know Natasha is “wild and crazy and different,” as she puts it, and that’s why I know we’d be good for each other—because we both pride ourselves on our individuality. I mean, heck, we’re both in Finance, right?
I also find it comforting Natasha has people who pick bags for her and decide what she will like; I, too, prefer to have my tastes being dictated to me. At the same time, though, Natasha buys from off-the-radar designers like Versace, Gucci, Dior, and D&G—and that’s exactly the kind of personal flair I’m looking for in a girl. Does she by any chance have a Vera Bradly small duffel?! Damn, those are hot.
Cause I’m an upfront guy, Mr. and Mrs. Mitra, I’ll put it out there so it’s not an issue in the future—I’m a year younger than Natasha. I urge you, though, not to weigh that too heavily. What I lack in age, I will make up for in prestige. I’ve already (basically) got a position secured at a top PE firm (I would have gone with Carlyle if I had realized that had such foxes), and I’m getting 800’s on all my practice GMATs. I’m not in at HBS just yet, but hey, at least I’m not Muslim, right?
Here’s the most important thing, though—I’ll take care of your daughter and treat her right. Natasha’s is all about “consuming.” As she says, “consuming is her specialty.” That’s classy. And as it turns out, I’m all about “providing.” Once she quits her job, I’ll provide her with a home, a stipend, and all the clothes and valium she’ll ever need. One thing: it might be a few months before I can take down $3,500 bags on a weekly basis. We do get to keep using your AMEX in the interim, right?
Your astrologer or ours?
Best,
Gopal
p.s. I hope she’s talking about consuming goods and not consuming meat (not ok with Mommy, or Krishna for that matter).
p.p.s. Please disregard entire email if you are South Indian and/or Christian.
Footnote:
Dear Bear, Sterns, & Co:
Perhaps a bit crude to post about your ex-Bankers in succession, but, as you understand, this could not be avoided. More importantly, it’s curious exactly what kind of environment at Bear (perhaps just the name) exists that facilitates your Bankers having such big chips on their shoulders that they need to show the world how blinged-out they are by talking to the media.
But either way, great with work both Natasha and Andrew. And please, keep doing what you’re doing.
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:36 pm
S&T > Dog fighting > PE > banking. S&T all the way baby.
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:44 pm
I?m not sure, but Carlyle may not be taking her back after HBS after this bonehead move. Why do these idiots keep giving interviews to reporters? Did the reporter convince her that she and her freaking moonglasses being displayed this article would help her meet rich, eligible Indian bachelor kids? HBS should renege on its offer just for letting a dummy into their school. She wouldn?t last a week at Chicago, some local from 62nd Street in Hyde Park would steal her bag first of all when she was crossing the midway, and second she?s clearly not focused on investing her money in positive NPV projects like most Chicago chicks are.
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:46 pm
wow douchebagery isn?t gender exclusive, i guess. also, fantastic pps.
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Pretty funny. The electrolysis comment was great. But come on, even a retail banker knows to use ”f4?.
May 23rd, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Genius, from the title all the way to the p.p.s.
May 23rd, 2007 at 3:14 pm
with a schnoz the size of a king kong dildo and a beat up face like that, no wonder she needs shades that fit half her face and a giant bag that?s her size? she needs as much detraction from her face as she can get?
May 23rd, 2007 at 3:22 pm
that?s someone?s daughter you?re talking about dogg pound.
May 23rd, 2007 at 3:52 pm
Very funny post, whatever business acumen she may have posessed (ok, who am I kidding) obviously was compromised by the interview. And if Bear employees are going to talk to the media, how about complaining about the failed health inspection in the company cafeteria. That?s fucking disgusting, and that?s why I don?t work at Bear. p.s. ”(I would have gone with Carlyle if I had realized that had such foxes)” if I had realized THEY had such foxes or if I had realized that THEY had such foxes?either one works, but you obviously made a careless mistake. Stop slacking just because you got a book deal or my MD will come and piss on your face.
May 23rd, 2007 at 3:59 pm
HaHaHa? simply awesome !!
May 23rd, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Hilarious!! The look on Ms Mitra?s face if and if at all she discovers this piece. Priceless!!
May 23rd, 2007 at 4:12 pm
I LOVE TO CONSUME!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 23rd, 2007 at 4:25 pm
Way to go HBS! Admitting Natasha was a Mensa move all the way. ”We educate leaders who make a difference in the world” Yeah right? Hilarious post btw.
May 23rd, 2007 at 4:37 pm
ain?t no Muslim guys marrying this hideous broad shauty?keep up the good work though?you mad funny son!!
May 23rd, 2007 at 4:48 pm
??????”????????????????????????????????????”???????”?? I want to make friend for you
May 23rd, 2007 at 5:19 pm
it?s butt ugly girls like natasha who make every cat want to stop being a playa? she better make bank after hbs, because no one is marrying her for her looks?
May 23rd, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Yet another disturbing example of a hideously ugly woman that thinks being fashionable makes up for looking like a mangled hyena. She is only wearing that big bag to hide her body (or lack thereof). When she gets out of HBS she will have been arranged to Gopal and so with a different last name nobody will remember her to be the serpent that she is..
May 23rd, 2007 at 7:08 pm
this bitch should climb into that bag (glasses and all) and have someone push her off the gw into the hudson because she is painfully ugly and probably smells like curry down there.
May 24th, 2007 at 1:02 am
i never knew it was so easy to get into Carlyle
May 24th, 2007 at 6:31 am
I know a girl name Sana that Gopal would LOVE
May 24th, 2007 at 7:10 am
Let me put y?all up on something. The only reason Natasha works at Carlyle and is pursuing an MBA at Harvard is because she knows that the PE/finance world is the only one in which there are enough old, balding, overweight, unhappily married, no-game having, douche-baggy guys who might actually find her decent looking and give her any amount of attention. Put this beast in any other environment where she is surrounded by decent looking women, and shes not getting a second glance from Gopal, BeetleJuice, Ellen DeGeneres or Benji..
May 24th, 2007 at 7:21 am
I am truly offended by the repulsive comments about my colleague on this page. I give you my word she is not the ugliest at Carlyle. And is always kind enough to oblige us with BJ?s on those late nights when our poor judgement prevails over our eyes. Update: The communications department at The Carlyle Group emailed to inform that Sundip Murthy did not, in fact, write this comment falsely posted under his name.
May 24th, 2007 at 7:28 am
Has HBS lowered their standards? And what the hell do you put in a bag that size?!? Gopal, you can do better!
May 24th, 2007 at 7:55 am
Hey Charles, if you?re that worried about the cafeteria?s food as one of the pieces of your employment package, maybe your priorities are a little out of whack. I?m guessing you?re packing on 2 bills plus, and are only 5?9?. Ali C, you and I both know that you muslim dudes will marry whatever you get, come on NOW. This Natasha biatch would be a queen back in the desert compared to the other biatches even though she?s a mutt here.
May 24th, 2007 at 8:33 am
How does such a rediculously dumb bitch get into HBS? This is proof that the world is fucked in the head.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:50 am
yeah?i guess you have to bling out if you look like a walking piece of turd?
May 24th, 2007 at 11:21 am
she got into hbs? new ?special needs? section – they have a quota
May 24th, 2007 at 11:22 am
Granted Natasha is a little on the ?materialistic? side?but she?s a pretty nice and smart chick, I worked with her at Bear and she knows her shit. As for all the ?haters??just a hint of jealousy about the Carlyle / HBS thing? Say what you want about whether she?s good looking or not but eat a dick if you wouldn?t want either or both on your resume. And to ?Charles??I?m glad you took the time out of your day from giving your ?MDs? reach arounds but believe it or not, NY has food options outside a cafeteria (what he says, really?). The most likely reason you didn?t work at Bear is your name is Charles and by default that makes you a loser, Chuck?how do you like working in the JC Penny Finance dept? I hear they?ve got a great benefits program.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:48 am
I?D HIT IT.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:52 am
Suvery question for everyone on this site: Whom is better looking, Natasha, or Sandra Oh from Grey?s Anatomy? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandra_Oh) Vote +1 for Natasha, -1 for Sandra Oh.
May 24th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
this girl is the poster child for ”diversity”
May 24th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Singh Low>>> This is probably a waste of time, as I suspect you have more than enough problems in society to begin with. But here goes – always remember that regardless of how nice your suit looks or whats coming out of your mouth, people are really thinking to themselves as to what that peculiar thing on top of your head is. Clients always love to see a Geico caveman put on a turban and matching suit and pretend to be bankers. You Sikks are a real riot.
May 24th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Jihad on Natasha Mitra!
May 24th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Natasha?s parents should consider having an abortion asap! I realize it?s a little past the first trimester but her hideousness makes me feel ill.
May 24th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Just wait til Natasha gets to HBS and 3/4 of the class has already got her pegged from this article. Actually only 1/4 of the class will be aware upon arrival as half of the class is somewhere in Africa still finishing up rescuing families from plague and misery, while the other 1/4 are packing up their bags to go spend the summer at Daddy?s Sagaponack spread. Hopefully Natasha will spend the summer writing a paper titled ”Electronic Media in the 21st Century and How it Can Really F&ck with Your Career”. Anybody wanna guess what kind of a tongue-lashing she?s received from her superiors at Carlyle for this interview?
May 24th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Wonder if Natasha worked on the Carlysle buyout of Valentino. She threw out a bunch of brand names, yet didn?t even give any pigeon drops for Carlysle?s deal. It just shows how Carlysle and its drones are committed to Valentino?
May 24th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
Jerome, your commentary and command of the English language leave much to be desired. ”Asiring” principal indeed!
May 24th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Straight Talker, I?m willing to bet most of the guys at HBS will be dying to hook up with her. It?s okay that you?re bitter because you didn?t go to HBS and didn?t work at Carlyle, instead slaving as a back office guy at a second-tier bank.
May 24th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
To the idiots who commented on my grammar, asiring is not a word, asPiring, however, is. Nice try and good luck at that ”boutique” investment bank that does a lot of ”research” and hasn?t had a sell side mandate in over two years. Ass-pirate..
May 24th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
Hedgie-Schneider, I already smacked you around once in the 87% story, do you want some more? Hedge likes to throw around figures like ”low 7-digits” when referring to the price of a condo he?d like to buy. What a clown. HBS grads are often pillow biters, and I suspect that you may be both. Go back to your Christopher Street bars, and leave the rest of us to talk bidness, or would you rather bang Natasha again, as it seems like you?re sticking up for here. The closest place you?re going to be to working at a hedge fun is a 1st year analyst at a fund of funds, stud muffin.
May 24th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Straight Talker, Your ignorance and arrogance continue to amuse me. I personally don?t find Natasha attractive, but all this animosity from people who got rejected at HBS and Carlyle is unwarranted. FYI, 1/2 of the HBS class don?t spend their summers before b-school, working in Africa or frolicking at Sagaponack. But I guess you wouldn?t know that since it?s painfully obvious that you didn?t go there. I guess two years in that shithole known as Hyde Park does that to you. However, spring break is a different story; HBS students go to Vegas, Miami, LA, Brazil, Greece, just to name a few spots. Have fun living in mediocrity. I?ll put in a good word for you at Bear Stearns, if you decide to move up.
May 24th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
‘?But either way, great with work both Natasha and Andrew. And please, keep doing what youre doing. ?” hahaha, you are a genius!
May 24th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Enough of this unnecessary kuffar speak, when will we launch the jihad? When will two men from south Jersey double team her in the bowery? When will I get to stalk her on MySpace and send her pictures of teddy bears with knives through them? JIHAD!
May 24th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Hedgie, you are SO wrong about HBS dudes? We are not all tools afterall.. plus, there are lots of ”Natasha”s here, already not getting the attention they seek? ?though every product has its market.
May 24th, 2007 at 7:22 pm
You douchebags have way too much free time on your hands. Get a LIFE and stop making fun of people that you don?t even know. You all should be ashamed.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:20 pm
OK guys its fairly simple whats going on : a) She shouldnt have had that article published it was a dumb thing to do BUT b) Its interesting to see the 2nd raters who never really made it in the finance world jump up and down c) I didnt get into HBS this year and am applying next year again. Having many friends and having spent a lot of time there – they are clearly some the most impressive people on the planet and the most down to earth. You guys should concentrate less on humiliaiting a girl you dont know, and continue in your mediocre, and focus more of your effort and trying to be 1st rater, and trying to get into any PE firm or any top 5 business school – YOU ARE ALL SECOND RATERS WITH AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX – SHE HAS MADE IT AND YOU HAVENT
May 25th, 2007 at 12:13 am
ANONYMOUS1 HAD IT RIGHT. SHE WAS ONLY STATING WHAT MANY OF THIS BOARD CONSIDER TO BE ”SUCCESS”. She?s made it and it?s that simple.
May 25th, 2007 at 12:22 am
I can?t believe the level of attention that she is getting. She was just doing a routine interview about fashion?That is what that particular part of that site is about. To put this level of criticism against her is just stupid.
May 25th, 2007 at 5:51 am
@ CorpLawStudent: is it you Natasha? now go employ some real PR people to sort out your mess cause posing as someone else on this page will not cut it
May 25th, 2007 at 6:34 am
Jerome, your initimate knowledge of ”boutique” investment banks is a bit suspicious?Sausage smuggler!
May 25th, 2007 at 6:56 am
Guess what, we dont have vapid dumb btches like this in Chicago. We just have cool chicks who like to drink and run along the lake. Fck NY